WRFM Radio Station^™

Meet the Station

Five clips from the broadcast

The host, a sponsor that shouldn’t exist, a late-night caller, an office regular, and the phone nobody tells you about. It’s the same tape that plays on air.

▶︎ Play all five 2:42

Each clip has a transcript underneath.

1. 01

   The host

   Vera Lang signs on

   “If you’re hearing this, it means the office is quiet and you’re still here. That’s not a mistake.”

   Vera has the microphone, and she notices who is still at their desk.

   Transcript

   VERA If you’re hearing this, it means the office is quiet and you’re still here. That’s not a mistake. This is WRFM. I’m Vera Lang. Let’s take the night one piece at a time.

   ▶︎

   0:17
2. 02

   The sponsors

   Rubber Duck Rental

   “Rubber Duck Rental! Rubber Duck Rental! It listens. You debug. That’s the deal.”

   One of 22 sponsors that absolutely should not exist, and the only one with a fully sung jingle. Duck included.

   Transcript

   JINGLE When your function won’t run / And your logic’s come undone — / Don’t pick up the phone (quack!) / Don’t send up a flare! / Just rent-a-duck today, / We’ll ship it right away, / Yellow, small, and bright (quack!) / It really doesn’t care! / Explain your bug to feathers, / Talk your tests out loud, / The duck will never judge you — / (though the duck is not impressed.) / Rubber Duck Rental! (squeak!) / Rubber Duck Rental! / It listens. You debug. That’s the deal.

   ▶︎

   0:30
3. 03

   The callers

   After Hours Intake

   “I created a repository interface, a service class, a DTO, a mapper, a configuration bean, three annotations, and something called a factory.” “For one value.”

   Late at night the lines open, and Vera takes confessions. On desktop, the transcript slides onto your screen while the call is on air.

   Transcript

   VERA You’re on the line. What’s troubling you tonight?

   CALLER I needed to read one value from a database.

   VERA And how did that proceed.

   CALLER I created a repository interface, a service class, a DTO, a mapper, a configuration bean, three annotations, and something called a factory.

   VERA For one value.

   CALLER …for one value.

   VERA Enterprise environments sometimes require ceremonial preparation before touching the data.

   CALLER The method is six lines. The structure is four hundred.

   VERA The station confirms this is considered normal atmospheric pressure in large Java systems.

   CALLER That’s… comforting?

   VERA Comfort is not guaranteed. Stability, however, usually is.

   ▶︎

   1:00
4. 04

   The regulars

   Mitch from IT

   “I am the radio, Mitch.” “Have you tried turning the radio off and on again.”

   The office phones the station. Mitch works in IT, and he is trying his best.

   Transcript

   [Phone rings. A mechanical keyboard clatters in the background.]

   MITCH IT, Mitch speaking, have you tried turning it off and on again.

   VERA Mitch. You called me.

   MITCH Right, well, the issue could be on your end.

   VERA I am the radio, Mitch.

   MITCH Have you tried turning the radio off and on again.

   VERA (long pause) Mitch. I will.

   MITCH Thank you for choosing IT.

   ▶︎

   0:31
5. 05

   The secret

   The phone nobody tells you about

   “There’s a phone in this station, sweetheart. I’m not going to tell you where.”

   Vera drops hints on air. Find the WRFM Line, dial 9‑7‑1 while the lines are open, and she picks up.

   Transcript

   VERA, ON AIR There’s a phone in this station, sweetheart. I’m not going to tell you where. I don’t have to. You’ll find it. Most people do. Eventually.

   [Later, on the WRFM Line: dial 9-7-1.]

   VERA You called. Not many do. What can I do for you?

   [You pick “Tell me something weird.”]

   VERA Studio B has been locked since 1974. We don’t talk about Studio B.

   ▶︎

   0:25

More From the Tape

A few more clips, grouped the way the station uses them. If the live player above is on, pause it first. These play on top of it.